


The fine line between

by LoLecter



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Old Men In Love, Retirementlock, Translock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:56:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoLecter/pseuds/LoLecter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Sherlock are retired in the country and have been married for many years. John is writing a book about their life and  struggling with how much to reveal to the public.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The fine line between

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, lets be honest. I'm a bad writer. lol But I wanted to try and write this anyway. It's not the best thing I did, but I decided to post it anyway in case some people might enjoy it.

It was only 7 when John woke up that morning. Even thought they had been retired for 3 years John still couldn’t get up later than 9 to Sherlock despair. Sherlock was still asleep, lying half on John’s body and half on the actual mattress. John smiled softly and kissed Sherlock mad curls who were still there at 64, even if they were bit thinner and greyer than they used to be. He got out from under Sherlock trying not to disturb him too much, but Sherlock groaned none the less. Even in his sleep Sherlock never liked to be separated from John.

John got his bathrobe and went down in the kitchen to prepare some tea. He would not make breakfast right away. He usually waited a bit later so it was still warm when Sherlock woke up. Until then John busied himself by reading the morning paper, feeding Gladstone and drinking his tea. John had work that afternoon. While Sherlock had been content to devote himself completely to his beekeeping John couldn’t focus all his time on writing his book. The first years he had worked 2 days a week at the local clinic and eventually as he got older reduced his hours to one afternoon a week. He was 65 after all.

The main reason he kept doing it these days was that he was the only doctor in the region who took transgender patients and him stopping completely would mean that the patients he had left would have to find another doctor further away. It was very probable that they would have to go to London, which was 2 hours away by train.  He would probably have to stop in a year or two, but until then he would do what he could to help. 

At 9 AM John started to prepare breakfast and then went to wake up Sherlock. It was Sherlock’s injection day today so he also got out what he needed since they usually did it in the morning. Sherlock was still asleep, his face hidden in John’s pillow when John got in the room.

“Come on love. It’s time to wake up.”

Sherlock stretched a bit and hid his face even more in the pillow. John sat on the bed and kissed Sherlock back.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me you great git. Time to get up. I made breakfast.”

Sherlock groaned and mumbled something that sounded very distinctively like “No”.

“Oh yes.” John said as he drew Sherlock cover off of him.

Sherlock, of course, complained, but didn’t actually move.

“Joooooooooohn”

“Yes, I know I’m a cruel man. Now up you go love. I promise to buy you some of those croissants you love this afternoon if you get up.”

That made Sherlock hesitate. He finally raised his head and looked at John.

“You will buy them anyway. You love me too much to say no.”

John huffed a laugher and kissed Sherlock nose, making his husband smile a little. No mater how much he tried to hide it, Sherlock always smiled when John kissed his nose. It was almost automatic at this point.

“You’re probably right, but I would still love it if you got up.”

Sherlock planted his face in John’s pillow again and sighed dramatically.

“You’re very lucky I love you John.”

John smiled amused and simply said: 

“I know.”

“Mmfff” was all Sherlock replied before getting up and putting on some pants.

Before going back down John said:

“It’s your injection day today. Everything is in the living room. Just tell me when you want me to do it.”

Sherlock replied something that sounded like yes and John went back in the kitchen to prepare their plates. Sherlock was very capable of doing his injection himself. When John had met him Sherlock had been doing it for almost 13 years, but somehow during their romantic relationship he had changed his type of testosterone and John had started giving Sherlock his injection every three months. Sherlock had only told John he was transgender after a year of living with him. It was not that it was some big secret he was ashamed of, but as Sherlock had explained to him, it was just not something that he thought was necessary for John to know.

In the end John had learned it during a case, when they had been working on the murder of a transgender woman. John had made a remark that Sherlock seemed to know a lot about trans people in general and Sherlock had casually replied, like it was not new information to John:

“Considering the fact I am a trans man myself it only stands to reason that I would know a lot about the subject.”

John had frozen for a moment, he had to admit it. As a doctor he had learned a bit about transgenders people in school and met a couple during his career, but he would have never guessed that Sherlock was one of them. Sherlock had just kept looking in his microscope like he had not just told John well…. _that_. Finally, after a minute of awkward silence John had got himself together again and just said:

“Right…well, yes...that does make sense.”

Sherlock had raised his head from his microscope and looked at John suspiciously, but he hadn’t said anything. John hadn’t brought up the subject again until the end of the case.

“So… hum… what you told me yesterday…”

“Yes?”

“It… I…god I’m rubbish at this.”

Sherlock had smiled one of those smiles he only used for John.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m glad you told me and you don’t have to be scared of me telling other people or…you know being a dick about it.”

“Yes, thank you John. I had gathered that you would not as you say “be a dick” about it.”

“Right… Well, I’m glad then.”

Their friendship had gone on as it normally did, full of sexual tension and well hidden emotions. Then the fall had happened. When Sherlock came back, John did not waste his second chance. It didn’t take him long to kiss Sherlock and admit his feelings for him. Thankfully for John, Sherlock felt the same way and they had begun their romantic relationship. Sherlock being transgender had not really affected them at first. Their sex life was not that different than any other gay couple and they didn’t really talk about it a lot at first. One day however John had found Sherlock in their room about to do his injection and had asked to watch for some reasons.

He had then started to ask Sherlock questions about his transition and get interested in the subject. A year later, he gave his name to a government program in order to start taking transgender patients, prescribe them hormonal therapy and write them all the letters they needed. He only worked three days a week, but for the first time in a long time he loved being a doctor again and he felt like he was really helping people. He got to know his patients, see them evolve and become happier and more confident.

Sherlock never told John how he felt about his new job, but the fact that he never disturbed John at work or asked him to leave suddenly just to help him stalk a suspect on a case told John all he needed to know. Sherlock knew that John was helping people like him and thus dealt with cases alone during the three days. John part time job was finally important in his eyes. Important enough to not ask him to come home just because they were out of milk or he needed John to pass him a pen, which he had done often when John worked in his old GP clinic.

John thought were interrupted by Sherlock dragging himself in the kitchen. He sat heavily on his chair and looked at John with deadly eyes. John laughed at Sherlock display.

“Drama queen.”

Sherlock sniffed and ignored John comments. John gave him his plate with a small kiss on the forehead and sat himself with Sherlock, linking their ankles under the table. Even after all this time John knew Sherlock liked to be able to touch John in some way when they were sitting together. They ate in silence Sherlock moving his feet to rub against John ankle and John trying to hide his growing smile.  

 

When they were finished and Sherlock had drunk his cup of tea John got up and asked Sherlock what he had planned to do today.

“The beehives don’t really need any work today so I was planning on doing experiments on the honey we still have from the last years. Analyse the differences between the hives and different years.”

John smiled.

“Sounds great love.”

Sherlock really had softened with age. While he still did dangerous experiments that exploded in the kitchen or left body part in the refrigerator from time to time he generally did more safe experiments. Sherlock also loved to spend time walking with Gladstone, explaining to him the difference between different types of mushrooms and plants. John thought that if it was only up to Sherlock Gladstone would end up being the smartest dog in the whole of England.

Sherlock nodded and went in the living without a word. John sighed and said:  
“I guess that means you’re ready for your injection?” loud enough so that Sherlock would hear him.

“If you can’t deduce that after all this time John I’m gonna start to worry about your intelligence.” Sherlock replied amusement in his tone.

John washed his hand carefully before putting his glasses on. John didn’t really like wearing his glasses, but he needed them so he only wore them when he practiced medicine and when he read. Sherlock didn’t understand John reluctance to wearing them and he had assured John that he found him very handsome with them, but John couldn’t help the feeling that he was horribly old when he wore them.

Sherlock was waiting for him on the sofa, in his pants only and John couldn’t help, but  devour him with his eyes. While Sherlock often complained that he was getting old John found him as attractive as he had done twenty years ago. The only main difference in Sherlock body was that where they had once been flat muscles, they was now a tiny stomach. Sherlock hated. John loved it. It was soft and comfortable and proof that Sherlock was taken care of. Proof that John was there for him everyday, feeding him and loving him.

Before Sherlock could get up from the sofa John pushed him back and sat on his tights smiling at Sherlock confused face.

“Have I told you that I love you yet today?”

Sherlock nodded that he hadn’t.

Pressing his hands on both side of Sherlock head John kissed him softly on the lips and then just as Sherlock tried to deepen the kiss he stopped it to kiss Sherlock neck, then his chest…Leaving a trail of soft kisses up to Sherlock stomach. John looked at Sherlock face and saw him smile shyly.

“John.”

The way Sherlock said his name could mean many things. Sometimes it meant “Leave me alone”, or “I’m bored. Please do something” but other time like these it meant “I love you so much I don’t have the words to say it.” and John knew it. 

“I love you Sherlock. All of you.” John murmured against his skin.

He kissed the soft tummy again and again until he heard Sherlock starting to giggle.

“Even your cute stomach” He added with a grin.

 “You’re an idiot.” Sherlock replied deep affection in his voice.

“’am not.”

John finally left Sherlock stomach alone and went back to kissing his husband on the mouth. Sherlock whispered against his mouth:

“Are too”

John smiled and kissed Sherlock one last time.

“Right, ready for me to touch your butt?” John said as he got back up and prepared the syringe.

“Always”

Sherlock went on his knees on the sofa and put down his pants. John slapped it playfully making Sherlock sigh in annoyance to cover how happy it made him. Two minutes later it was done and Sherlock waited for John to kiss it better before pulling up his pants. It was a bit of a ritual they had developed. One time, John had kissed Sherlock butt cheek saying that he was kissing it better and Sherlock had teased him asking they had taught him that at medical school. Since then after every injection John kissed him better.

Sherlock went back upstairs to take a shower while John cleaned the kitchen and thought about the next chapter of his book. John had written about most of their interesting cases already, but there was one he had not written about yet. The one where Sherlock had told him he was transgender. It had been an interesting case, but John was not sure how to write it without including all of Sherlock knowledge on the subject and the way he had been emotionally affected by the case because of who he was.

To the world John and Sherlock were simply two men in love who were married and had spent their life chasing criminals together. It was true. Sherlock was a man and there was nothing to it, but being transgender was also part of who he was. John had often thought about how young trans people would feel if Sherlock were to come out as trans. He had a feeling it would help a lot of them come out and accept themselves. They would be able to see that you could be trans and smart and strong, have a great career and a great life with someone you loved and who loved you equally.

But it was not John’s choice to make. It was Sherlock life and it was his secret to reveal or not. Lestrade and Mrs Hudson had known, being the most important person in Sherlock life beside John and Mycroft, but that was about it based on John’s knowledge. John had been thinking about broaching the subject with Sherlock for a while now, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. As he finally went to his study to work on his book he told himself that he would write about the case and then decide if it was worth talking to Sherlock about it.

A couple of hours later, John was leaving for work. As he went outside he saw Sherlock sitting on a chair with Gladstone sat in front of him licking off what looked like a spoon full of honey. Very scientific experiment John thought amused. He went to them, rubbed Gladstone’s head a bit and kissed Sherlock goodbye.

“Take good care of him love.” He said as he was leaving.

Sherlock looked at him with small eyes and said in an annoyed tone: “You were saying that to Gladstone, were you?”

At this moment Gladstone barked, confirming Sherlock theory and making John laugh.

“Yes, I was.”

 

***

 

John afternoon was not a very busy one. He had about ten patients to see, all transgender people. He knew nine out of them and it was just the usual check up of their blood test, how was their health, did they need any letters, refilled prescription, etc. One however was a new one. It was a young trans boy of barely 17. He had black curls and blue eyes that reminded John a lot of Sherlock. It was their first appointment to discuss things, verify he was really sure transition was what he wanted and give him the paper he needed to get a blood test and start hormones therapy. The boy had already seen a therapist for a while so at this point he just had to confirm what the therapist had written, that he really was transgender. It was a bit ridicule, but it was the job. John asked the usual questions and as he learned more about the boy’s life it hit him how similar he was to Sherlock.

“I want to study music. I play the cello and I compose music, but I don’t think my parents will want to help me once they learn I have started hormones so I will just move to London and find a way to pay myself as soon as I can.”

The boy was obviously very smart, but also very sad. He had a sister a year younger than him who supported him and one friend, but it was about it. He didn’t really like people, he said. John smiled a bit at that. Him and Sherlock would definitely like each other. After saying that the boy added almost under his breath that anyway it was not like anyone could love a freak like him.

“Hey, you’re not a freak. Don’t ever believe that.”

“I am a gay trans boy who hate people and prefer to spend time with his cello than his only friend. My parents are so rich everyone at school pretty much hate me and I have self arm scars all over my body. I’m pretty sure if you search for freak in the dictionary you’ll find my picture.”

John smiled at that last remark.

“I know someone very similar to you who used to think he was a freak and is now happily married, loved by many people and had a great life.”

“Really? Is he trans?”

“...yes”

John had never talked about Sherlock with his patients. He didn’t want to divulge his husband private life to complete stranger, but at the same time he was pretty sure it would help this boy a lot to hear about Sherlock. John thought “Sorry Sherlock” and he asked:

“Can you keep a secret Josh?”

The boy looked at John suspiciously and nodded.

“Yes. I’m very good with secrets.”

“Good because what I’m about to tell you very few people know in the world and you can’t repeat it to anyone. If it gets out I will know it was you. All right?”

Josh eyes went big.

“Ok, promise on my cello.” He said making John grin.

“All right. I trust you. Have you ever heard of Sherlock Holmes, the famous detective?”

“The one married with Doctor Watson?”

“Yes, that one.” John confirmed smiling. “Well, he is my husband and I am his Dr Watson.”

Josh mouth opened in surprise. He was definitely impressed. Then something seemed to hit him.

“Wait a minute…do you mean…is Sherlock Holmes Trans like me?”

“Yes…. He is.”

John felt bad about revealing Sherlock secret to a complete stranger without his consent, but it was for a good cause.

“He didn’t have any friends when he was at school either and his parents had a hard time accepting who he was. He was weird, and incredibly smart, he had no patience for slow people, he spent his time experimenting and making things explode, but you know what? It was those things that made him extraordinary. And that still make him extraordinary. Nobody believed him when he told them he would invent his own job, but he did. He transitioned on his own with only his brother’s help and he found something he was great at and dazed everyone with how talented he was.”

“And then he met you”

“Yes, then he met me” John said with a soft smile. “My husband is the smartest man I know, a hero and an extraordinary man. How could I now want to be with him?” 

Josh nodded a bit speechless.

“But I’m no Sherlock Holmes.” He replied in a whisper.

“Do you know why I told you about him? Because you remind me a lot of him. He was a lot like you when he was younger. And I’m sure one day you’re gonna be an extraordinary musician just like my husband was an extraordinary detective.”

“Thank you Dr Watson.”

The rest of the consultation went normally and John gave Josh all of his papers and the instructions he needed. While he was saying goodbye to him John felt the need to reassure him:

“Everything is gonna be ok Josh. And if it’s not call me.”

John wrote his cellphone number on the back of his office card and gave it to the boy.

Josh nodded a bit overwhelmed.

“See you in three months.”

 

***

 

In the end John bought more croissants than he usually did for Sherlock because he felt a little bit guilty for divulging Sherlock secret. When he got home Sherlock was in his laboratory looking at something with his microscope. John went to him:

“Hi love. I have the croissants you love.”

And then went to the kitchen leaving Sherlock to finish whatever he was doing.

When Sherlock came ten minutes later and saw the big box full of pastry on the table he made what John liked to call the deduction face.

“You feel guilty about something.” He finally announced.

John was not really surprised that Sherlock had guessed.

“Yes, I am. Could you please sit? I want to talk to you about something.”

Sherlock nodded slowly and sat in front of John.

“First of all, I want you to know that I am sorry, but I did what I did because I thought it would be very helpful to someone. I met a new patient today. A young boy, 18. Plays the cello, very smart, almost no friends and his family is very rich but doesn’t approve of him transitioning.”

“He reminded you of me.”

“Yes.”

“Go ahead John tell me.”

“He was talking about how no one could love him because he was a freak and I just… I couldn’t be there for you when you were his age and you thought that, but I could help him. I could give him hope that being different was not a bad thing and that it didn’t mean that nobody was ever going to love him. So…”

“So you told him about me.”

“Yes. I am sorry Sherlock, but I made him promise not to tell anyone and I trust him.”

“It’s all right John I’m not mad at you. I always knew you were gonna tell one of your patient one day.”

John sighed, relieved.

“Thank you Sherlock. I swear I won’t do it again without your permission. I know it’s not my choice to make.”

“Indeed it is not your choice, but I can allow for an exception for what you saw as an 18 years old me who needed a bit of reassurance that he was lovable.”

John took Sherlock hand and kissed it.

“Thank you.”

“Now can I have some croissants? With the quantity you bought if I don’t start now half of them are gonna go bad before I get the chance to eat them.”

John laughed.

“Yes, you can love.”

Later when they were comfortably sitting on the sofa in front of a fire John decided it was time to talk to Sherlock about his book. He had only realized today how truly important and helpful his book could be for young trans people. He had to try at least. In the end it was Sherlock choice, but if he never asked him it would never happen.

“Sherlock you know my book, the one that I have been writing?”

“Yes, John I know about the book you have been writing in this house for the last two years.” Sherlock replied amused.

“Right. Silly of me. Anyway, I’m almost finished with my first draft. All that’s left to finish is one case and the ending. Only I wanted your opinion before writing them.”

Sherlock looked at John with confusion.

“You want my opinion… on your writing. Me?”

“Not my writing exactly, but more what my writing is about. After all you’re the main character of the story. You should have your say in what I say or don’t say about you.”

Sherlock made a face. He definitely knew where John was going with this.

“The case I was talking about is the one with the trans woman. I started it this morning, but I stopped before… the important bit.”

“You want to say I’m transgender in your book.”

Sherlock voice was almost cold, but John knew better than to assume he was indifferent. Most of time when Sherlock voice got that way it was because he was deeply troubled by something.

“I won’t do it if you don’t want to. I was just thinking that it could help a lot of young trans people like Josh. Seeing a trans man who had the life that you had. It could give them the courage to come out or to not kill themselves. It could give them hope. It could help the parents who think their child life is gonna be horrible just because they are transgender. It just… I just think it could help so many people.”

Sherlock retracted his legs who were on top of John’s a second ago. He hugged his knees and his eyes focussed on nothing. He looked scared. Sherlock very rarely looked scared. The only time John had see him scared was when facing Moriarty and when he had been afraid to lose John.

“I… I don’t know John. I understand your point and I’m sure it could help some people, but… I…”

“It’s ok Sherlock. You don’t have to decide now or ever. I’m not putting pressure on you.”

Sherlock nodded, kept hugging his knees and looking terrified.

“Come here” John murmured and Sherlock almost threw himself into John’s arms, making himself as small as possible.

“It’s ok. It’s ok. Everything is gonna be ok. I love you.”

John whispered sweet nothing into Sherlock ear while caressing his hair and back trying to calm him. If he had known, he would get this reaction maybe he would have brought up the subject more slowly.

After a couple of minutes Sherlock finally seemed to relax in John’s arms.

“I’m sorry” John said.

“It’s ok. I understand why you asked. I just need time to think about it.”

“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

John kissed Sherlock hair and Sherlock buried his face in John’s sweater. Seeing a free spot on the sofa Gladstone got up from his spot on the floor and jumped to lie down where Sherlock had been ten minutes ago. John smiled.

“Comfortable old boy?”

Gladstone looked at John, mouth open and eyes bright. He looked like a very happy dog indeed. Sherlock smiled and then got lost in thought for the rest of the night.

The next couple of days were a bit strange. Sherlock spoke less than usual and John often found him lost in thought sitting somewhere by himself or with a confused Gladstone. In the end it took Sherlock 10 days do decide. John woke up at 8 to Sherlock staring at him.

John still a bit sleepy asked:

“You’re ok?”

“I thought about it. You can do it, but I want to read it before you send it to anyone and if there is anything I don’t like you take it off.”

John was suddenly very awake.

“Really? Thank you Sherlock. You’re gonna help so much people. And of course you can read it first. It’s about you. I’m not gonna leave anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

Sherlock nodded shortly and put his head on John chest and one leg between John’s.

“You’re the bravest man I know, do you know that?”

Sherlock sniffed, doubtful.

“You are. Never doubt that.”

“I love you John.”

“I love you too.”

They stayed like this for a moment, just enjoying the closeness until Sherlock broke the silence.

“Can I cut the over-romanticized parts of the book too?”

“No, you can’t. I will romance our story however I want you great git.”

Sherlock sighed, but John knew he wasn’t really annoyed.

“I guess I shall have to live with it.”

John huffed a laugher and kissed Sherlock forehead. He felt more proud of his husband than words could express.


End file.
